ASIM.........meri jaan.

Ive always mentioned that only those names find mention in my blog whove proved there worth.Todays name has long been overdue.
I know some of u must be wondering that i am some kind of lost-in-love dove flying in a forest on fire.
To tell u the truth:YES I VERY MUCH AM. You shouldnt have any problem and even if u do please log outta the the page this very instant cause unfortunately tis my post.

For the very first time im gonna take the name of the guy (actually MAN) im crazily in love.
For starters the name is amazing, its ASIM MITTAL.
Although the first name is short and sweet its meaning is LONG... and limitless, just the way he is (i hope u get the fact that im talking about his character aspect and not any physical attributes).

To be honest i dint fall in love with him, nor was it the love at first sight scenario.
It was a classic case of MARWARI BRAINS applied to the hilt.

I mean i never really appreciated the citizens having roots from the north-west frontier of HINDUSTAN, obviously so becuse of the cliche that went with their money managing attributes (kanjoos marwari remember!). Please forgive me if im hurting anyones sentiment.
All that these people are really known for is their business acumen and amazing calculative genes.
Man could i have been more correct?

All the students had found out what a genius (i call him by that name....cause its true, he is a genius) of a mathematics student was Mr. Mittal.
and Sire left no stone unturned to put those ethnic rooted genes to the use they are best at:CALCULATIONS.
Every test, our dear genius would score a full when we would struggle trying hard to jump across the pass-fail barrier.

and then the GREAT NEWS broke out!!!!

Our dear genius was infact an NRI.
WOW WOW WOW.
HEARTBEATS WERE RACING , NOT SO TALKATIVE FEMALES STARTED TALKING, FRIENLDY PEOPLE STARTED BECOMING EVEN MORE FRIENDLY (with him, me inclusive) and suddenly women who never existed in class were heard and seen everywhere.
This non residential indian had the hots of way too many girls(including me).

But that was it. I just participated in the cat race because there was a cat race and i for one have always particiated in all competitions........remember what mumma tells -"participation is more important than winning".
The classes would begin at 7 in the morning and end at six in the evening and the only stuff that we cats (we females of course) did with full concentration and with all our heart and soul put together was GOSSIP.
NO PRIZES FOR GUESSING ABOUT WHOM.
All of us were dying to get his attention, and man he did give attention ....to all of us.
Well i think he kinda knew we were all after him AND he was enjoying it to the fullest.
CLASSIC CASE OF "too many cooks spoil the broth".

When a man has so many options at his disposal he IS the king, he gets to pick and choose and trust me not many men are born with this privelage (although women are). LUCKY GENIUS.
I was just out of a crush-gone-sour-and-never-materialized-kinda relationship.
So i kind of had mentally prepared myself not to fall in any relationship and planned all the sad soirees that the feminine fraternity plan on the aftermath of an event as life devastating(we like the sound of this word TRUST ME!) as had I made it out to be.
So when i kinda gauged that Mr. NRI was approaching me with the speed of a japanese trans-rail locomotive, i decided to back off...(remember i was in the race just for the sake of participation and not winning ).

But how!!!
Tis NRI was pretty good at getting what he wanted(MARWARI BRAINS remember?) and at that point of time any newcomer to the world of human mating (not literally stupids) and meeting could conclude that NRI wanted my attention and that too all of it( too much to ask???).

He suddenly sidetracked all the other felines and made me the centre of his female attention, much to my embarresment.
From walking me till the station every day to calling me up just to talk to me and then trying to let the whole class know that we were an item by asking ME (out of all the existing manlings there) to collect his i-card and test papers, when he was absent.
God i still remember the hootings and hushings when i raised my hand when ASIM was announced.
The more i tried pushing him away the more i was drawn towards him.
Classic example for:
'COULDNT TAKE IT, BUT COULDNT LEAVE IT EITHER!'

Suddenly i realized that i had swam far away from the shore, into the deep sea of emotions with NRI by my side.

I am the kind of woman who always was the emotional kind(now whats so great about that!), and always followed the heart.
This time my heart said.......................................................................................................................NO!
I could clearly feel it instructing me to back off and swim back ashore .

However my mind said-YES!
It gave a reassuring feeling that ill not regret this relationship . NOT THIS TIME.

AND SO FINALLY I DID WHAT I HAD NEVER DONE BEFORE-FOLLOWED Mr. MIND.
Since it was not 'matter of the heart' right from the beginning, i was pretty guarded about my feelings.
NRI was pretty vocal and full of display about his feelings for me.
I suddenly realized how naive i was about human physiology and psychology when it came to matters of the heart.
Thus here i was in a full on relationship with a guy; not in love with him, wouldnt bother or wink twice if he walked over me and yet believing it to be a relationship. Just because i was following dear heart.
NRI sensed all this and reassured me that everything would turn out beautiful.
It was evident that he loved me more than i loved him, yet was OK with it.
It was evident that i had 'nt entirely gotten over my previous crush, yet he was beside me.
It was evident that i might not stick to the relationship, yet he believed in me.

'BELIEF'- thats the thumbrule he has taught me alongwith the other various lessons in life.
When my first sem engineering debacle took place and the whole world had turned its back towards me, it was my GENIUS NRI , who stood by me-assuring and reassuring me & believing in me.I could make it this far only because he was my supporting pivot then. I know that for a fact.
Ours is (being optimistic but will still mention 'was') a long distance relationship and when u dont get to see each other as often a normal couples do, it does get annoying. Yet when u have a familiar voice at the other end of the telephone line telling u that,' no matter what i still love u ',when someone assures u that he is gonna be there with u to overcome your problem , together, when someone makes u belive the fact that he is never gonna let u fall..................
Trust me u get the strenght to take on the world.
This is what happened with me and GENIUS.
He was always there. ALWAYS.
My life has always been pretty messed up. As in, there always have been some or the other problems, and i had mentioned this to Mr. NRI.
He had assured me that he would take it as a challenge and infact told me that he dint like the fact cause i wasnt opening up to him.
So thats what i did.
Opened up to him slowly, yet steadily.
My dear genius never complained . NEVER.
2 years into the relationship and i was never happier.



BUT, BUT, BUT..........
I guess thats where i had faltered.
Everyone is human.
So even if someone tries hard to take it all , they do hit the roof sometimeS.
My constant burdening him with problems made him think(till a certain extent rightfully), that i was weak, since i was incapable of handling issues myself i would be in no position to offer him any support and all this simply kept piling up inside him.
He never wanted to hurt me so he never approaced this stuff in front of me. May be that could have prevented a lot of damage......???

Finally all of it inside him just errupted like a volcano.
No human ever wants to bring the worst out of the person they love and hold close to their heart the most.We all kNOw that for a fact.
I am human too and when all the ugly bickering happened not once did my mind rebel or retalliate against him. NOT EVEN ONCE.
i was hurt , but not with him rather with myself.

In the last 2 years was i so engrossed with my needs , my wants and my problems that i had completely overstepped the needs of the guy i loved?
YES.
Had i become so vulnerable and busy in showing him my weak and feeble side that i forgot to show him my strength?
YES.
Had the child in me finally irritated him out of his wits that he could not see the woman he loved??
YES YES YES .......

But i guess it was too late to make amends.
Thus people from various corners offered him help and support and reduced my chances for mending things up even more.
My dear genius hadnt seen the woman in me FOR A LONG TIME and other WOMEN weakened my stand in front of him even more . That always happens in relationships.

One of the most traumatising incidents happened with me.....for which i was just not ready and prepared and my dearest NRI was nowhere close to me. Not that i hold it against him, trust me i just cant complain against him. i couldnt mention about it to anyone and althoughmy dearest GENIUS knew about it he couldnt do much, which i do understand.
But u see women love to bitch... with every opportunity that they get.
So the women around him told him that i was upto plans of getting back to him.


I knew it then that i had lost his TRUST, RESPECT & LOVE.
Entirely.
'Cause when u truly love cherish someone u dont let a third party speak about thAT person in a manner that is not too pleasnat. The fact that people around GENIUS had the freehand to do so only reiterated the fact mentioned 4 lines above.

Still, me having lost someones TRUST, RESPECT & LOVE is entirely my resposibility.
Dont blame anyone for it. NEVER will i blame u for it GENIUS, rest assured.

I sincerely pray that i can be the woman uove always wanted me to be, i do hope i can become the woman u fell in love with once again, i hope i can regain if nothing but atleast your unconditional "BELIEF" in me back

HEY GENIUS.......
IF YOU ARE READING THIS THEN ALL THAT I WANT TO SAY IS SORRY:(
NEVER WANTED TO PUT YOU THRU ALL THIS.
NEVER WANTED TO BURDEN YOU SO MUCH, WITH STUFF THAT I SHOULDNT HAVE.
NEVER WANTED TO BE SEEN AS A SELFISH GIRL WHO ONLY TOOK WITHOUT GIVING(although thats what happened).
NEVER WANTED TO BE A LEECH AND SUCK YOUR SANITY OUT.
NEVER WANTED TO LET U DOWN, BY NOT BEING STRONG ENOUGH TO LEND A SUPPORTING SHOULDER.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I NEVER TRIED TO TRAP YOU.
NEVER TRIED TO CONNIVE OR CONSPIRE AGAINST YOU.
NEVER MADE UP SOME SOB , CHEAP DISGUSTING STORY TO GET YOU BACK
NEVER LOST MY RESPECT FOR YOU ,
NEVER REDUSED MY LOVE FOR YOU,AND TRUST ME , FORGET YOUR FRIENDS , EVEN IF GOD COMES AND TELLS ME STUFF, I STILL WOULD TRUST YOU.
THATS THE REASON WHY NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS I ALWAYS CLARIFY STUFF FROM U BY INFORMING U EVERYTHING AND NOT HOLDING UP STUFF AGAINST YOU.
NEVER EVER WANTED US TO FALL APART, BUT STILL
SO NO MATTER WHAT YOUR DECISION IS AND NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENED OR IS GOING TO HAPPEN, ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS

"HEY GENIUS , I LOVE U , I LOVE U MORE , I LOVE U MUCH MORE & NO MATTER WHAT IL ALWAYS LOVE YOU FOREVER".
(hope u trust that)

A 192 KILOMETERS................................. APART.

I JUST WASNT GETTING ANY DARNED STUFF THAT I COULD WRITE WITH MY HEART AND SOUL INTO .....
WELL THE LAST FIVE MINUTE JUST GAVE ME THE INSPIRATION OR RATHER REASON......AND GUYS PLEASE FORGIVE ME IF I TRIP TOWARDS THE EMOTIONAL SCALE A LITTLE TOO MUCH.

I JUST HAVE TO WRITE THIS OUT TODAY.

MY EXAMS STARTED ON THE 28th OF NOVEMBER AND OUR EXAM GOT OVER TODAY THAT IS 16th OF DECEMBER.
MY-AS U KNOW STANDS FOR ME AND OUR-UL FIND OUT SOON.
THEY WERENT ALL THAT GREAT....MY EXAMS. BUT, OUR EXAMS WERE PATHETIC.
SO THE RESULT OF MY EXAM DOESNT WORRY ME SO MUCH AS THAT OF OUR EXAM.
I TOTALLY SCREWED UP WITH MY PREPARATIONS, BUT SAW TO IT THAT I COULD CONTRIBUTE AS MUCH AS I COULD TO OUR PREPARATION.
I HOPE I AM NOT ACCUSED OF BEING SELFISH.


THE BIGGEST VIRTUE THAT ANY HUMAN BEING CAN CONTRIBUTE TO THE LARGER SPHERE OF MANKIND IS 'kindness'.
DOESNT COST MUCH AT ALL, INFACT DOESNT COST ANYTHING AT ALL.
BUT THE BLESSINGS AND WISHES THAT U GET IN RETURN-priceless.

"WHEN U ARE IN LOVE; MORE THAN LOVE ITS RESPECT FOR THE OTHER PERSON THAT MATTERS THE MOST",
MY DEAR LOVE ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT, &
WHEN I AM TAUGHT SOMETHING I DEFINITELY LEARN IT....IVE ALWAYS BEEN AN OBEDIENT HUMAN BEING.

FOR ONCE I AM NOT BLOWING MY OWN TRUMPET-I NEED TO SAY THIS TO MYSELF. REASON: AT THIS VERY INSTANT OF TIME WHEN IVE NEVER FELT SO LOW , NEVER FELT MORE LET DOWN, NEVER FELT MORE DESERTED, NEVER FELT MORE HELPLESS... IVE COME TO REALIZE THAT I HAVE TO MAKE MYSELF FEEL BETTER.

THE TASTE OF BETRAYAL IS BITTER. DONT TRUST ME ATLEAST TRUST YOURSELF. IF UVE EVEN BEEN BETRAYED BY SOMEONE WHOM UVE LOVED THE MOST THEN THE PAIN INFLICTED IS FAR BEYOND HEALING. NO MATTER HOW MUCH U TRY NOTHING SOOTHES IT, CAUSE WHEN URE HURT DUE TO UNEXPECTED QUARTERS THE INJURY MAGNIFIES WITH THE UNEXPECTEDNESS, BETRAYAL AND U NOT BEING GUARDED.

ONE OF THE PRIMARY REASONS WHY MY BEAUTIFUL, CONSTANT AND MOST TRUSTING RELATIONSHIP FELL APART WAS BECAUSE OF another woman.
YUP THATS RIGHT SHE CAME, SHE SAW AND SHE DESTRUCTED......IN PERFECT SYNC WITH ALEXANDERS CONQUESTS.
AND YUP I AM NOT GONNA MENTION HER NAME.

NOTE:ONLY THOSE NAMES FIND MENTION IN MY POSTS WHOVE EXCELLED IN SOME ARENA.

WELL I PREFER CALLING HER 'the fallen one', REASON BEING THIS WOMAN (SHE IS ALL OF 21yrs) HAS EXCELLED AT BEING A JINX.
SHE HAS PERFECTED THE ART OF RUINING PERFECTLY GOOD RELATIONSHIPS(considering she couldnt even save her own relationship with a guy who dearly loves her), WHEN THEY ARE GOING THRU A LEAN PATCH.

ANOTHER CHARACTERISTIC OF HER: A FAST GIRL. THATS WHAT GIVES HER THE FALLEN ONE TAG.
SHE ACTS FRESH WITH GUYS WHO SOUND GOOD OVER THE FONE AND WHOM SHE HAS NEVER MET..(SHE DID THAT TO MY GUY, SO IMAGINE THE LEVEL TO WHICH THIS GIRL FALLS , JUST SO THAT SHE GETS MEN !!!!)
DOESNT HAVE MANY FRIENDS OF HER OWN.SHE IS IN LAW SCHOOL (4th yr) YET HAS NO LAW FRIENDS. INSTEAD SHE HANGS OUT WITH 3rd YEAR ENGINEERING STUDENTS.......LAME LOSER! WHATEVER.

JUST BECAUSE MY BOYFRIEND TRIED TO BE VERY FRIENDLY WITH HER, WHICH HE IS WITH ANY SOUL SHE SAID THAT SHE HAD GOT CAUGHT UP BETWEEN HIM AND THE GUY SHE WAS INVOLVED WITH FOR THE LAST 2 YEARS....CONFUSED BABE.
IF U ARENT SURE OF THE PERSON THEN HOW CAN U EVER BE SURE OF YPUR FEELINGS?
HANG ON... THIS FEMALE SUCKS BIG TIME IN FEELINGS (HER PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIP FAILED MAY I REMIND U).
THE REASON WHY ME AND MY GUY BROKE UP WAS BECAUSE 'the fallen one', TOLD ME THAT SHE AND MY GUY WERE SEEING EACH OTHER AND THAT I SHOULD BE MOVING ON AS MY GUY WAS OVER WITH ME!
ALL I COULD DO WAS....NOTHING.
I WAS 192km AWAY & COULDNT WALK UP TO MY GUY, SEE HIM IN HIS EYES AND ASK HIM STRAIGHT.
I HAD NEVER TRUSTED ANYONE BEFORE AS MUCH AS I TRUSTED MY GUY.
THAT DAY I FELT A LUMP IN MY THROAT WHICH HAS LASTED TILL DAY. THE MAN WHOM I TRUSTED AND RELATD IN EVERY POSSIOBLE MANNER WAS SLOWLY BEING CONTROLLED BY A DOMINATRIX (SHE).
THIS VERY SAME MAN DEGRADED ME TO THE RANKS OF ANIMALS AND MANIACS IN LIEU OF DEFENDING HER.
WOW!
HOW ABSOLUTELY UNEXPECTED.
IT HURT LIKE NEVER BEFORE. BUT I HAD BEEN EXPOSED TO SUCH DIRE STRAITS OF PSYCHOLOGICAL TRAUMA THAT I FELT NOTHING-WHICH IS DANGEROUS.

MY INTEGRITY, MORALS, CHARACTER EVERYTHING WAS FED THE MAXIMUM LETHAL DOSE. IM SURE LIFE CAN NEVER GET MORE HARSH. THE WORST PART BEING I WAS PUT IN AN OPEN FIELD WITH PEOPLE ( INCLUDING THE ONES THAT I LOVED AND TRUSTED THE MOST) HURLING THE CURSES OF LIFE.

I WAS LEFT THERE TO FEND ALL FOR MYSELF.MY SELF RESPECT RAPED BRUTALLY.
MY CONSCIENCE IN DEEP COMA, MY HEART IN PIECES AND MY MIND ...MOLESTED.

THATS WHEN CAME A GODSENT ANGEL.......TRULY BELIEVE IN THE ALMIGHTY.......REHAB.
SHE WAS THE ONE PERSON WHO RESCUED ME FROM ALL THE ANGUISH AND MISERY.
SHE WAS THE ONE WHO MADE ME REALIZE THAT I WAS NOT THE ONLY ONE AT FAULT. SHE WAS THE ONE WHO MADE ME BELIEVE IN MYSELF AGAIN.
SHE ACTUALLY IS MY SAVIOR.

AFTER BEING HELPED WITH REGAINING MY PHYSICAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL SELF I SET MY FOOT AGAIN TOWARD THE PATH CALLED ...TRUST AND BELIEF.
MY GUY AND I WERE FINALLY TALKING IN A CIVILIZED MANNER (aftetr a really long time).
I FOR ONCE RESOLVD THAT I WASNT GOING TO GIVE HIM A REASON TO COMPLAIN, AGAIN.
AFETR MY EXAMS FINISHED, THAT DAY ONWARDS I SAT WITH HIM EVERY NIGHT SO THAT HE WOULDNT FEEL ISOLATED AND COULD CONCENTRATE BETTER WHICH WOULD ENABLE HIM TO WRITE HIS PAPER. SO THAT OUR(HIS) EXAM WOULD BE GOOD. I WOKE UP ALL NIGHT JUST TO SEE TO IT THAT I COULD PROVIDE HIM WITH ALL THE SUPPORT SOMEONE COULD PROVIDE TO SOMEONE UTTERLY STRESSED OUT.
THE THANK YOUS THAT I RECIEVED WERE PRETTY UNNECESSARY.....AFTERALL OUR EXAMS SHOULD PASS WELL THATS WHAT MATTERS THE MOST.
FINALLY, EXAMS DEAR DID GET OVER......
I HAD GONE WITH MY FRIENDS TO WATCH THE LAMEST MOVIE THAT EVER EXISTED IN MOVIE TIME.
ALL THRU THE MOVIE I PRAYED FOR HIS PAPER TO GO WELL.............................
FINISHED MY OTHER CHORES AND THEN CAME BACK HOME LATE INTO THE NIGHT.
I HOPED I COULD GET THRU TO HIM AND ASK HIM HOW HIS PAPER WAS..
SO I CALLED HIM UP, THE FONE WAS REJECTED , TRIED CALLING HIM BY THE HOUR YET WAS REJECTED.
FINALLY I GOT THRU TO HIM AT 1:O'CLOCK IN THE NIGHT, AND TO MY UTTER DISMAYAL FOUND THAT WOMAN WITH HIM...OFCOURSE OTHER FRIENDS WERE THERE TOO.
I WAS DEEPLY HURT....
WHEN THE TIMES OF CRISIS WERE THERE I WAS BESIDES HIM, HOWEVER DURING GOOD TIMES SHE TOOK ALL THE FUN.
CERTAINLY NOT FAIR.
THAT NIGHT I REALISED HOW SOME WOMAN JUST WANT TO HAVE ALL THE FUN AT THE COST OF SOMEONE ELSES HAPPINESS.
I DINT HAVE LUCK ON MY SIDE, I DINT HAVE TIME ON MY SIDE AND I DINT HAVE THE DISTANCE ON MY SIDE TOO.
IMAGINE MY SHOCK WHEN I WOULD FIND OUT THAT SHE WOULD DROP INTO MY BOYFRIENDS HOUSE AT ODD HOURS..FOR REASONS LIKE KEEPING ANIMALS UNDER HIS CUSTODY (as if he was a vet), FOR ASKING HIM HOW HIS EXAMS WERE, FOR GIVING HIM HER HOUSE KEYS, FOR GETTING HER WORK DONE IN HIS COMPUTER, BY HIM, AND STORING ALL OF IT IN HIS COMPUTER INSPITE OF HAVING A LAPTOP IN HER FLAT(which belongs to her ex-boyfriend with whom she lives).
WELL I DONT GIVE SUCH WOMAN RESPECT THAT EVEN ORDINARY WOMAN SHOULD BE ENTITLED TO .
TO TOP IT ALL I WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT WASNT FORMAL ACCORDING TO THE LAW..SO I GUESS THAT DINT GIVE ME THE RIGHT TO VOICE MY INSECURITES CAUSE THAT IS WHAT WAS MY FEELING SINCE SHE ENTERD MY SPHERE.
AND THE FACT THAT A RELATIONSHIP DINT HAVE A FORMAL SEAL TO IT GIVES MEN THE RIGHT TO THROW OUT THE GIRLFRIENDS...OUT OF THEIR LIVES WHENEVER THEY WANT, WHICH HAPPENS ONCE THEY ARE BORED.
AND THAT IS WHEN I REALISED THAT DISTANCE CAN INDEED CREATE A LOT OF HAVOC IN RELATIONSHIPS, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU HAVE LOOSE WOMAN ON THE SPREE.
THE 192 km PROVED TO BE DISTANCE OF A LIFETIME....................ENOUGH TO DESTROY EVRYTHING.